Saturday, June 15, 2013

Assumptions

Today my wife and I went into a local deli to get some sandwiches for lunch.  The man behind the counter was friendly as well as conversational, and as he took our order, he engaged us in typical customer/employee conversation.  This continued as he made the sandwiches.  He asked about the weather and if we were married and had children.  He followed that by wishing me a happy Father's Day.  I thanked him for the kind gesture and then it came:

"You know, they say Father's Day in Harlem is the most confusing day of the year."

He said it with a grin on his face and his grin held anticipation as if he was waiting for me to laugh in agreement or even follow it with a similar "joke".  I just turned away.

Why do people say things like that?  I don't expect him to know that I used to work in a city school and knew many boys and girls whose father and/or mother were not a part of their lives.  This was due to a number of things like incarceration, absenteeism or work.  The man behind the counter didn't know that I have seen first hand what he chose to make fun of.  He also didn't know that I have African American people in my family.

What upset me the most about his comment was that he expected me to agree with him.  He assumed that I would find such a "joke" funny, and perhaps come back with something similar.  That infuriates me.

This is part of the problem.  Our society sees a place like Harlem or Newark or the South Bronx as something separate from the world they live in.  They see our cities as someplace else.  This place is in their blind spot and they choose not only to ignore, but make fun of it.  Those places and the people who live there don't matter.

We have to change that.  We have to make sure people know that these cities are American cities.  They're not "inner" cities or "urban" cities - they're our cities.  And the people who live there are American just like you, me and the man behind the counter.

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