Monday, February 20, 2012

Week One

I began teaching in Newark back in late October of 2011.  When I interviewed for the job the district Fine Arts Director as well as school Principal told me that teaching at the school was going to be "hard".  I kind of chuckled to myself because before I started teaching here I was under the very false impression that I could handle anything.  In fact I prided myself at the level of control I was able to maintain in my classes.

Before teaching in Newark I taught at two schools.  One was an elementary school exclusively for children with autism.  The other was a High School for children with severe emotional and behavioral problems.  I figured these two experiences had given me enough of an idea on what it was like to not just teach but work with two "difficult" populations of children.  Teaching children with special needs is challenging and I prided myself on the fact that - without any special ed. training - I had been able to rise to the occasion.  In fact I had also created my own early childhood music curriculum.  Because of the work I had done with the special needs community, I had been recognized not just by local and state organizations but also on the national level.  What type of challenge could teaching in an inner city school present that I had not seen?

Little did I know.

My first day, in my first class I knew right away what I was in for.  I realized right off the bat that the kids I would be teaching had no idea what structure was.  I was playing the piano and they were up banging on the piano, running around the room.  No one was paying attention.  It was pure chaos.  When the class finally ended I sat down and asked myself "Am I in over my head?"  I knew the answer to that question was going to come directly from what happened over the course of that first week.  Let me just say that within that first week I questioned not only my ability as a teacher but also as a parent, educated human being and leader.  I was a mess.

Imagine teaching a class and in the middle of doing so four children get up and walk out of the room?  Imagine having a seventh grade girl say to you after your first class with her "You're not gonna last."  These were just two of the things I experienced that week and if it weren't for my fellow arts teachers, I think I would have walked on day two.

"Miss M." and "Miss N" are my colleagues at my school.  Miss M. teaches dance and Miss N. teaches visual arts.  They are two of the smartest, intelligent, strongest women I have ever met in my life.  They gave me two of the best pieces of advice the first day I walked through the door.  Miss M. said to me "Do not take anything these kids say to you personally."  Miss N. echoed the same advice but added "Be strong.  Remember, you're going to have to extend your view on what 'family' means."

By the end of the first week I wasn't sure on if I'd made the right decision.  I was frustrated, confused, and also upset.  The kids at my school are smart, energetic kids - juts like kids everywhere else.  But, like I said earlier, they lacked structure, discipline and focus.  They also lacked basic needs like a good breakfast, clean clothes and hugs.  I noticed right away that a lot of the kids couldn't look me in the eye.  Many never smiled.  Some attached themselves to me right away while others not only acted distant but would not come near me.  This was all new and somewhat overwhelming.  Would it change?  Would I get better?

What the hell was I doing here?


No comments:

Post a Comment